I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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