just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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