if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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