It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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