i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dignity is for republicans.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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