So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
