I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize