Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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