Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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