Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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