theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
