We're like a lot better than the average bears
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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