Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
