talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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