And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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