when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
