a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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