If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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