How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
