he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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