you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
