I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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