the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize