So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize