Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
