It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
