just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
