the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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