let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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