I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
