i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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