I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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