I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
