She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
