maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i believe in u and ur pee
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
