If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
