I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ruined the universe
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
