I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
