can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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