As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize