Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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