dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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