Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
