you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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