I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
