my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
