My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
