Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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