When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
