something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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