Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
