Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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