btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
