he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
