Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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