I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize