She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
