i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
