ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize