Quick, to the slutcave!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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