Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
