I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
