I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
