YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
