In America we eat man semen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize