I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's never too late to be topless.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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