Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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