i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize