im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
