Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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