I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
