it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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