Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
