When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
