WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
