Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
