now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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