Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
