i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
