Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
