Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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