My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
