apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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