What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
