it's like heaven, but drunker
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's always time for handjobs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
