Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
