she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
