I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
