Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
