You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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