I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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