Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
