So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
