Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
