Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
