it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
