For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
