Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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