My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
