Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
